Eggnog & Brandy Balls

Holiday Brandy-stravagansa

I don't know about you, but for me holidays can be stressful times. Traveling to be with your loved ones, being with your loved ones, having to talk to your loved ones — all of these things are leading stressors that, when combined with the general blahs of a season without the sun, can really depress people.

Nothing cures depression like a depressant! If we have to spend our time in unpleasant familial obligations, we might as well get smashed.

Eggnog? More like Yay-gnog!

Because what are the holdiays if not an excuse to drink?

Okay, I'm playing up the booze angle here a bit but let me be frank: I effing love eggnog. No lie. Every year the delicious reappearance of eggnog has always been the high point of the holiday season. I even love the non-alcoholic kind you can buy in stores. For years this was my favorite seasonal drink.

Homemade eggnog blows that processed stuff out of the water.

Putting the Egg in Eggnog

We used four eggs in our nog, beating 1/3 cup of sugar into the yolks and putting the whites aside. The base was two cups of whole milk and a cup of half-and-half (though you can use anything up to heavy cream) seasoned with a teaspoon of nutmeg. Some people don't bother cooking their eggnog, but it's a general good practice whenever you're doing anything with eggs — Rocky Balboa notwithstanding.

We brought the milk mixture to a quick boil and combined it with the yolk-sugar. The trick is to to pour the hot milk into the yolks (not the other way around!) slowly enough to avoid accidentally cooking the yolks — something that would be pretty unpleasant. After you've combined the milk and eggs you'll want to slowly raise the temperature back to 160 F.

We used half a cup of brandy, but you could easily substitute rum. Not adding booze is an affront to Saint Nick. Set the whole thing into the fridge to just chill for a bit — a few hours will do the trick.

While the milk/yolk/booze is chilling you're going to want to whip the egg whites with an electric beater until they form soft peaks. Gradually add another tablespoon of sugar and keep beating until stiff peaks have formed. Once the milk/yolk/booze is cold, whisk the meringue into the milk mixture.

Chill With the Eggnog Already

Don't make the same mistake we did. After the whisking your eggnog will still be separated. If you drink it now, you'll have this weird head on top of watery nog that is still okay, but not great. We let the rest of it sit overnight, and discovered that it settled into an amazing drink if you just leave it alone for awhile. It was fresh, creamy, thick, and best of all, delicious.

Wrap Your Lips Around These Brandy Balls

Fun Fact: You can raise your blood alcohol level without drinking. Many recipes call for various amounts of potent alcohol, and not all of them burn off the "get you drunk" bits when cooking. For good reason, many of these sorts of recipes are used and consumed during the holidays.

Chocolate brandy balls are really good, and really strong.

Kill the Wabbit

This is another recipe that you can substitute rum for the brandy — if you're a complete philistine. The chocolate part of our brandy balls comes from crushed chocolate wafers. You're free to use vanilla wafers instead — if you're a total racist. We couldn't find the exact sort we wanted at the store, so we actually used some chocolate graham-cracker rabbit things, and it worked out just fine.

Anyway, you need chocolate crumbs, so we basically threw two-and-a-half cups of the rabbits into a ziplock bag and I wailed on them with the bottom of the measuring cup until they were all smashed up good. I'm good at the smashing.

Gently Roll Them In Your Hands

We also nuked a cup of chocolate chips until they were melted as a base, and into that we mixed the rabbit crumbs, 3 tablespoons of maple syrup, 1/2 cup of sugar, a cup of chopped nuts, and 1/2 cup of brandy. After chilling this stuff for about an hour, we hand rolled teaspoon-sized portions of this mixture into balls, then rolled the balls through a bowl of sugar to coat them.

Chill With the Balls Already

Now, maybe you have more patience than I do. Maybe you're a goddamn perfectionist saint. Maybe you can resist the allure of these delicious and potent chocolate morsels — if you can, you're a better man than I. Ideally you want to put the balls in an airtight container and chill them for from a few days to a few weeks to let them age — apparently, they only get better and better. I can't say, because Kat and I ate them all the next day, and they were pretty damn good.

JoSnow Italian Soda

Jo Snow Syrups shows up at the Farmers' Market every three weeks, offering a variety of syrup flavors including Cafe de Olla (which as its name suggests, goes quite well into coffee) and Tangerine Lavender Honey. At $10 a bottle we've only been picking up one flavor a visit — Fig Vanilla Black Pepper our first time, and Hibiscus Basil Orange Blossom the second. They're delicious, and we've been taking every opportunity to experiment with using them.

Both flavors we tried are light and delicate, and serve well as ice cream toppings. You can also make a variety of mixed drinks with the syrups. Fig Vanilla Black Pepper mixes in well with rum, but for the relative sweetness of Hibiscus Basil Orange Blossom we chose to mix it with vodka. Jo Snow lists a number of cocktail recipes on their website.

With a little seltzer water and lime, it's easy to make a refreshing soft drink out of the Hibiscus Basil Orange Blossom syrup. We used whatever brand of seltzer water was cheapest — it didn't matter too much, and what you're really drinking it for is the syrup.  The wedge of lime gave the drink that little extra tart it needed to offset the sweet floral Hibiscus. A caveat: the syrup is heavy, so you'll need to stir it quite well or your first few sips will be almost entirely seltzer. Even so, the drinks came out very visually interesting with a definite layering to them.

French Press Coffee

Kat introduced me to french press coffee. It takes a little bit longer than just throwing pre-ground stuff into a Mr Coffee, but the results are superior and you're going to find yourself more invested in the process and its outcome.

The Beans

For this pot we used beans from Coffee Chicago on Broadway and Berwyn. It's this great little unpretentious coffee shop that offers free wi-fi. We got there within minutes of closing, and the staff was courteous and helpful. I'll have to go back and check out the ice cream they sell — there were quite a few interesting looking flavors on offer.

We're using Chicago Blend beans, but Kat tells me that their Hawaiian Kona and Mocha Java are great, too.

The Process

Chicago Blend beans from Coffee Chicago

After setting the kettle on to boil (filtered water is best), the first step with french press coffee is grinding the beans up. Kat has a nifty little press-grinder — four small scoops of beans, about four tablespoons, is enough for two big mugs of coffee. You don't want to just press and hold — the friction will burn the beans and ruin their flavor. A series of short quick presses, no longer than a few seconds long, will reduce the beans into the grounds we need. The end result should be medium course grounds, not a fine powder.

Carefully pour the grounds into the bottom of the press. You don't need a paper filter or anything like that — there's very little waste with a French press, a big bonus if you're at all concerned with sustainability.

When the kettle whistles go ahead and let the water cool for fifteen seconds, off the range, before pouring.  This gives the ideal temperature of about 190-200 degrees. Kat revealed to me that she did a crazy amount of testing to try and find the optimal cooling time, and I have no reason to doubt her thoroughness.

French coffee press filled with raw vitae

After it cools, pour the water into the press and give it a bit of a stir to mix the grounds in a bit. Put the lid on and let it sit for four minutes to let the water absorb the grounds — don't skimp or you'll end up with weak coffee, and don't let it steep too long, either. [If you let it steep longer, you end up with pretty strong coffee — which is not bad if you're into that sort of thing. –Kat]

After your four minutes push the plunger down to its base. The coffee is now set and ready to serve.

The Outcome

I like my coffee like I like my women.

More!

Do you like iced coffee in the summer?  You can also use a french press to cold brew coffee, although it takes a bit more planning.  You will need to steep the grounds in cold water for a minimum of 12 hours, or else you get some weak coffee.  So put it together the night before; otherwise the process is exactly the same: grounds, fill with cold water, let it sit overnight, press the next morning.  Great for hot summer days, with the added bonus of not diluting your hot coffee with tons of ice to cool it down.